Killer Sandwich Death Monkey

Not yet here
And already you have done so much
Changed everything
My life you have touched.
I had started to fall
and you raised me up.
I can't thank you enough.
I almost did
the unthinkable deed
I was scared and so lost
Was gonna throw away my seed
But I realize now
That it's all for the best
This is fate as I know it
The plans here, and I'm at rest.
You are growing, I feel.
The creation's inside.
This is the turning of the wheel
The path will not hide.
It was an accident, true.
Unplanned, not forseen.
"my mistake was gold"
And now I'm faced with this terrifying thing.
But I am not ashamed. And I will try to not be afraid... for you.
I am a changed girl. I am here. I'm brand new.

Statistics: B
Japanese 102: B
Counseling 306: A
Counseling 370: A
Child Development: A

Old GPA: 3.93
New GPA: 3.84

Overall, I'm pretty pleased. I am mad at myself for slacking the last half of the semester, but considering the circumstances and all of the crap that happened to me this semester, a few Bs were to be expected. I'm proud of myself for the most part because I could have just let those Bs drop to Cs, but I made sure to make up all the work that I could, even if it was last minute. Next semester, I will bring my GPA back up. :-)

Do you see me? I'm standing right in front of you.
I give you everything I have, and I come out as a fool.
My heart bled in your hand.
You took it off the shelf, but didn't put it back.
You broke it into pieces on the floor.
Left it for the owner to sweep up.
But you were supposed to be its holder.
You promised you'd take care of it.
"You break it. You buy it." Isn't that how it's supposed to go?
Squeeze it tight or put it back on the shelf.
Now it lies barely beating in the trash can in the alley,
Like day old food thrown out for the homeless.

I am amazed right now. God is doing a work within me that is indescribable. I feel His presence so strongly right now. There is revival in my spirit. He is awesome. He is wonderful. I don't need to be afraid anymore. He is right here beside me. He is an amazing God. I can't believe I overlooked Him before.

Your eyes pour into me and I become lost in them
Lust fills me intensely as your thoughts become words rhyming in my ear.
Sing it again, sing it again. Drench me with your words
Pour your soul onto me
But your element is fire, and not water
So let it burn, burn into my eyes, like fire just burn
I want to feel the heat emanating from your body
Touch me with your worn hands
Let us twine our legs around one another
Like that night, and that morning
Let us burn into one another. Two flames become one
Fell it, touch it, taste it, so warm
Irresistible
The fire in your eyes
Irresistible
The passion in your words
Irresistible
Take me, I'm yours

Grades for Fall 2006

ENG 317 102 English Lit to Romantic Period A

JPN 101 102 Elementary Japanese I A

PEL 180 106 Yoga A

PSY 312 101 Adult Development A

PSY 408 102 Abnormal Psychology A

Now my GPA is 3.93. omg this is sooooo awesome.

LiMe PiNk JeLLo (3:15:40 AM): that youre kissing?
LiMe PiNk JeLLo (3:15:42 AM): kidding*...
LiMe PiNk JeLLo (3:15:50 AM): the keys are right next to each other
LiMe PiNk JeLLo (3:16:18 AM): unless there is such a thing as a freudian typo

why does it hurt so bad?

both of my belly button rings have died... i need new ones... not from claires caz apparently they break really easily... it would be a graet christmas present hint hint :-D lol

I can't remember the inane things i started babbling about then, i know it didn't really matter, she wasn't listening
She just yanked up on the emergency brake, dropped her seat back, and told me to lie on top of her
On top of those leather pants of hers, extremely expensive leather pants

Mind you, her hands immediately guiding mine over those soft, slightly oily folds
Positioning my fingers on the shiny metal tab, small and round, like a tear
Then murmuring a murmur so inaudible that even though i could feel her
Lips tremble against my ear, she seemed far, far away
Pinch it, she said, which i did, lightly, until she also said pull it,
Which i also did, gently parting the teeth, one at a time, down under
And beneath, the longest unzipping of my life...

just an update. i am feeling much better emotionally, and i am taking my hurt out more productively than i was. I didn't give Nate mono, so I'm very happy about that. Feeling better at work; things are going much more smoothly there now. Ryan and I are no longer really working together because he moved to day shift. I can't say that I blame him, but I can say that I do miss him very much. I don't want to, but I do. And it's funny how he never read my LJ except once and it was a post about someone else, yet he will probably never read this one saying how much I miss him. I have a paper due Monday that I haven't started on. EEK. My grades cannot slip. Luckily, I am actually doing well in all of my classes, managing all As at the moment except for one B in PSY 408. Also, I decided that even if I don't get all As from here on out, it's okay. I am no longer going to be angry when my grades are not perfect, because I have decided that I am either going to graguate school here at Marshall or in Greenville, SC. I no longer wish to go to Carnegie Mellon. Anyways, I need to get working on that paper... I may still get an A in 408 yet. :-)

edit: that's supposed to be "graduate" school, not "graguate" school lol

Mikhaela: noun: person who likes to steal tins of tuna.

FIRSTS
First best friend: Courtnay... my only friend until 6th grade... and we never spoke after kindergarten
First car: 2000 echo... love it
First screen name: Blurple00
First self purchased CD: backstreet boys probably
First pets: lady (cocker spaniel)
First piercing/tattoo: Ears - 13

LASTS
Last cigarette: i only had 1 today... and its been a rough few weeks
Last car ride: earlier... mall trip
Last good cry: still happening
Last library book checked out: dying to be healthy
Last kiss: nate... and i regret it now. i hate myself
Last crush: nate... i still want him, but he'll never want me back
Last phone call: andrew
Last time showered: this morning
Last shoes worn: my new AE clogs
Last song played: several ways to die trying by dashboard confessional
Last item bought: jean jacket from rue21
Last annoyance: don't know
Last shirt worn: wearing charlie & the chocolate factory shirt
Last Website visited: this one
Last word/s you said: see ya later
Last song you sang: 23 by jimmy eat world... was practicing it for wednesday
What color of underwear are you wearing? grey
What's under your bed?: you dont wanna know
What time did you wake up today?: 9:30



FUTURE
Where do you want to go? wherever God wants me
What is your career going to be? drug abuse therapist unless God chooses another path
Where are you going to live? dont know
How many kids do you want? maybe 2, but i may never have kids
What kind of car(s): luxury i hope

CURRENT
Current mood: depressed
Current music: sidewalks by story of the year
Current taste: my own saliva lol
Current hair: short brown
Current clothes: underwear
Current annoyance(s): its cold
Current book: paradise lost
Current hate: myself... all of it

i am officially announcing that i am untouchable, unclean, and will not be allowed to kiss, touch, or possibly even speak to any guys until further notice, and i may lock myself in my room as well. god i hate myself so much right now.

im sorry for the person i became. so sorry that it took so long for me to change. who i am hates who ive been...

cant change the past, and it seems like the present and future are pretty fucked up.

cant wait til God comes back and takes me. I dont want to be here anymore... I think I may transfer soon... South Carolina is lookin pretty good. fresh start, no one will no me. I hate my life so much right now.